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Dollmag.ca | Digitizing Feminism
Check out my interview with the Toronto-based Dollmag.ca! I talk about the impetus behind Feminist Coming Out Day and lament the highly idealized version of sex depicted in popular culture. An excerpt:
“Real sex is sometimes messy and embarrassing and doesn’t always work out the way you planned. Treating it like it’s something that’s perfect all time (makes) people feel like there’s something wrong with them if they don’t like vanilla sex, or if they can’t come, or if they’re not as great in bed as they’d like to be.”
Number one reason why I call myself a “reluctant sexpert” on my professional website: I’m not here to tell you the secret formula for amazing sex or true love. In fact, I think the overemphasis in our society on achieving both leaves way too many people feeling inadequate for not wanting or being able to.
(Source: lenachen)
The Downside of Hook-Ups: Is Premarital Sex Hurting Young Women?
I just wrote an opinion piece in rebuttal to the points made in the Salon interview with Mark Regnerus, co-author of “Premarital Sex in America: How Young Americans Meet, Mate and Think About Marrying.” My response is up on MyDaily, AOL’s women’s site. Here’s an excerpt:
The hook-up scene was readily available when I was in college, but it wasn’t as if there weren’t alternatives. In my experience, Harvard students came in three groups: 1) those who got into serious, long-term relationships, 2) those who had casual sex, and 3) those who had too many problems to pursue either (i.e., pre-meds).
I jest. (Don’t hate me, pre-meds! I knew plenty of y’all in college.)
No, but seriously, there’s a host of reasons why I take issue with the authors’ thesis. First of all, if girls feel like they have to compete for guys because there’s a gender gap in colleges, then perhaps we need to eradicate gender roles that make it inappropriate for a woman to date someone who’s less educated or ambitious than she is. Second, there’s an undercurrent of classism to this book. In his interview, Regnerus refers to “sub-optimal men … who are 22 years old, dropped out of high school and don’t have a full-time job”. He says that if the “price” of sex were higher, than women wouldn’t “trade it away to just some crummy man”. Um, hello? Are you seriously advocating that women only have sex with rich dudes? And that it is somehow more worthwhile to purposely withhold sex until you end up with a guy who is rich or at least has the potential to be rich? (I mean, he actually does say women should “artificially restrict the price of sex and get it high”.)
Let’s not even get into the fact that young women are still marrying at higher rates than any other group - a fact that Regnernus admits in his interview — so I’m not really sure what the alarm is about. Here’s the link to the rest of my piece: “The Downside of Hook-Ups: Is Premarital Sex Hurting Young Women”.
(Source: lenachen)
Despite having blogged rather prolifically about pretty much every other aspect of my sex life, I haven’t ever publicly admitted my “number”. Readers have asked several times over the years, but I’ve always been hesitant to reveal what is perhaps the only secret left in my arsenal. I recently came clean in Marie Claire’s February issue, which profiles five women and their “numbers”. (Spoiler: in case the above photo from the story didn’t already tip you off, I’ve slept with 30 men.)
Why didn’t I discuss this before? While I can intellectually acknowledge the existence of double standards, I think in practice, it’s a lot easier to deny that one is a “slut” than to deny the entire concept of sluthood. Blogging about sex forced me to confront the personal becoming political at a much earlier age than other women, but although I write about gender norms and progressive sexuality, I find it hard to practice what I preach against the steady stream of slut-shaming and moral judgment. But even if it makes me squirmish, it’s time to put my money where my mouth is.
I do, however, have the following disclaimer: given all the work I’ve done debunking the concept of virginity and arguing for a more inclusive stance toward sexuality, I’m conflicted about the entire idea of a “number” in the first place. I’ve never believed that it makes much sense to privilege vaginal intercourse over other types of sexual acts, especially since that discounts the experiences of those who diverge from the heterosexual norm. (And as illustrated by the story of Carlin Ross, another subject in Marie Claire, not everyone who does diverge necessarily identifies as gay or bisexual, but may nonetheless view same-sex encounters as equally satisfying and formative experiences.) So while being honest about our “number” might be a good start toward becoming comfortable with our sexuality, I think it’s wiser to encourage women to talk more openly about their sexual histories in general, whether or not the acts involved include that narrow yet murky concept of “sex”.
(via lenachen)
The Daily Femme | Interview with Lena Chen: Freelance Writer and Author of the Blog Sex and the Ivy
In this interview with The Daily Femme, I talk about “the online politics of feminists today, the challenges young women and girls face in publicizing their romantic and sexual lives online and the importance of including queer voices and perspectives in sex education.” Check it out!
(Source: lenachen)
I have a personal essay out in Glamour Magazine’s December issue (their 20th anniversary special edition!). Yes, the one with Fergie on the cover wearing a blazer and no pants.
To read the full piece, which is part of an essay collection called “What No One Told Me About …”, click the below images:
Is Sex Positive Feminism Still Relevant?
Come watch me talk about the chastity movement and the myth of the college hookup culture tomorrow night!
7pm on Monday, May 18th
Western Washington University
Communications Facility Room 110
